Greetings, welcome to my blog. I had been happily married to my wife of 21 years up until August of 2020 when my marriage to my wife went off the rails, the cause of which was mostly my fault.
The story really starts more than 10 years ago when my wife Carol and I decided to go full timing. We had lost our house in the financial crash of 2008, Katie, Carols daughter was moving out now that she was 18 and we were looking for a reboot to life and to start seeing the country in our RV, at the time, we owned a 5th wheel, but soon after starting full timing in the 5th wheel, we bought our dream rig, a 2003 Allegro Bus that was 40 feet long with plenty of room for our three dogs and two cats.
We made the agreement that if at any time we decided we wanted to move back into a house we would do so. This all transpired in 2009 and 2010. If you would like to see a blog of those early days of us full timing, please visit our blog at www.luvdoggiez.blogspot.com
Well, our marriage had its ups and downs, but I thought we were managing it fairly well. i had never been a fan of tatoos, but Carol started to get them. Then, there was an incident at an RV park that unnerved Carol and little bit where a guy came to the door of our motorhome asking for pain killers and she then wanted to buy a gun. I am not a fan of guns either, but i eventually aquiest and conceeded to her buying the gun.
I had tried my hand at a failed RV computer guy business and Carol and I continued on in our lives together trying to get out with the RV when we could, but finding our opportunities did not come as fast as we would have liked. It pretty much got to the point that the only time we took the RV out for a long trip, it was in conjunction with some sort of family event like a marriage, anniversary or family reunion. Not that those were bad outings, it just seemed like, to me at least, like we were not getting out and seeing the nation.
2020 for all of us has been a rough year, and Carol had been pining before the COVID19 pandemic to buy a house. I was blisstfully happy living in the RV, with only 340 square feet to vacuum and mop and a very small yard to take care of. I had grown accostomed to this new life style and over time had less and less interest in buying a house.
Well, with the Pandemic life had become so uncertain and I am deathly affraid of a repeat of the financial crisis of 2008. Especially since it was announced that state workers would take a 10% pay cut. That 10% is a small price to pay in comparisson to the impact on many in our nation who have lost their jobs due to resturaunts and other small businesses being closed because of various lock downs. Carol decided that it was time to buy a house, she was done paying rent and someone elses mortgage so she started looking at homes. I remembered our agreement, but I was also troubled with the idea of buying a house with visions of us loosing our home in 2008.
There is no way that I can cram 10 let alone 20 years of experiences and life decisions into this blog, so needless to say, asside from what you read in this blog, a lot of other actions and dicussions came about.
But after looking at numerous homes, it became clear to both Carol and I that buying a house was not something I wanted to do. I probably didn't convey my emotions correctly, (im sure an understatement), one thing lead to another and Carol said she would be pursuing a divorce. I'll grant you, a lot of this is probably my fault. I'm in counseling, and though my counselor is succeeding in keeping me from jumping off a bridge, (and maybe that is his goal at this point), I am beginning to sence that we are not doing much to fix me. Some of that may be my fault, and maybe I need to be better about digging down inside myself, and sharing things that I have not thought to share so that he can help me get better.
Basically, Carol has come to the conclusion that i am shallow. I'm shallow about not finding people with tatoo's physically attractive. Maybe over time, over the next few weeks I will share more in this blog. I use to really enjoy facebook, and there were times that I shared things on facebook and youtube that carol wished i had not. I tried to look at my posts with Carol in mind, but obviously not well enough. So, after a lot of thought I decided to stop my Facebook activity. She said 'Write a journal!'. Well, that is what i was doing on Facebook, but it was to public a medium, and I get that now.
I've tried a couple times at writing my feelings down burried deep in some book or word document hidden forever on a hard drive, but they never seemed to give me solace or resolution, so I did Facebook posts and Youtube videos. Obviously, those did not go over well.
So, I am starting a journal here on blogger that is un-related to our luvdoggiez blog because we are no longer together. I like avenues like Blogger as it gives me a chance to not only revisit our, or now 'my' past, but i can also relate pictures and videos to these blog entries. Also, though no one will every probably see my blogger entries here, I can share the URL with my family members so that they can revisit my life if they choose to when they want. More importantly, it gives me a place to return to in order to remember 'Back when'.
It is the start of the Thanksgiving holiday and I will be taking the motorhome and dogs out for a trip just for a change of scenery. Because of the pandemic, I can't visit family, and this maybe the last trip that i take with Charlie and Pirate, so i'm trying to make the most of it. I'll make another entry, maybe after i get to the campground later today.
Safe travels all
Eric Anderson
